The Fall and Collapse of Barney
by Jemascola
Summary: In short: the kids finally rebel against Barney the Dinosaur.
1. I Hate You, You Hate Me

Chapter 1: I Hate You, You Hate Me…

It was an average day at preschool, and all the kids were in the playground, waiting for all three of the gay dinos to appear and act stupid as usual. Then, the doors opened, and first came Barney, the big, purple dino with a green belly. "Hello, children. My name is Barney the Dinosaur, and we're going to have a super-dee-duper time!" he said in his stupid, suck-up voice.

"Shut up!" shouted one of the children. "You say that _EVERY FCKING DAY_!"

Barney gasped in shock. "I think somebody's been watching too much naughty TV. You should spend more time watching good, wholesome shows, like mine for instance," he smiled.

"You're retarded!" another kid shouted. "Nobody watches your show anyway. The only reason why we even show up for filming anyway is 'cause we get paid 50 trillion dollars a week. Not that we actually _want_ to be part of this stupid show!"

Barney ignored the kid's complaint. "Children, today we're going to get in our imagination time-travel machines and go back in time to the year 1879 when Thomas Alva Edison invented the light bulb!"

"Do it yourself," the kid in the wheelchair said. "We don't give sht about going back in time."

"Too late," Barney said once again in his geeky, kiss-up voice. "We're already time traveling. Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee… weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee… weeeeeeeeee!" he shouted while spinning around like a retard.

Just then, the kid with the hearing aid threw an apple at him. "What the hell are you doing?"

"_We_ are time traveling!"

"Oh brother," the kids moaned.

Oddly enough, for some strange reason, the kids actually do end up in 1879 (however that happened). They watch as Edison perfects the world's first electric light bulb. "Success!" shouts Edison. He turns around and gasps when he sees motion picture cameras, a bunch of kids, and a big, fluffy, purple dinosaur. "What in heaven's name is this?"

"Hello, friend," Barney said. "I'm Barney the Dinosaur. And these are my friends."

Edison looked at the kids. "We're _not_ his friends. We're part of a TV show," the kids said.

"_TV_? What the hell is that?" Edison said.

Barney gasped, and then began to cry. "Now what?" grumbled the kids.

Barney looked up, tears still in his eyes. "Mr. Edison, father of the light bulb, said a bad four-letter word," he moaned. "How could he?" He sobbed more hysterically than ever.

"Shut up, already!" the kids yelled. Edison rolled his eyes and left his office to market his new invention. Meanwhile, Barney and the kids went back to the present date.


	2. Let's Get Together and Kill Barney

Chapter 2: Let's Get Together and Kill Barney

"Okee-dokee, children," Barney said. "We met Thomas Edison. Now what do you want to do?"

"Go home and watch _That 70's Show_," one kid said.

"Drink booze and get drunk," another kid said.

"Smoke," another kid said.

"Children, those are horrid things to do. You can do anything you want as long as you have IMAGINATION," Barney emphasized.

"Cut the imagination crap, Barney," one of the kids said. "We're tired. We've been on this damn set for over 13 years now! We're not little kids anymore!"

Barney notices that one of the kids is starting to develop facial hair. "Oopsie-doo! Look at all that hair!" Barney gasped. "Looks like somebody needs a haircut. Let's give him a haircut… in song," Barney said, preparing for a bizarre haircut musical. But the musical did not happen.

"GOT DAMN IT BARNEY, SHUT YOUR FRIGGIN ASS HOLE! IT'S A SIDEBURN!" the kid (or teen, should I say) yelled.

Ignoring the kid, Barney went over to another kid, whose shorts were drooping. "Pull up your shorts, sonny boy."

"Hail, no," the kid said.

"But I can see your whitie-tighties," Barney said.

The kid stood up and slapped Barney in the jaw. He fell over. "I've had it with you. You are a pain in the ass. I want to annihilate you. Who's with me?" he yelled. The kids cheered in agreement, "Kill Barney! Kill Barney! Kill Barney!"

Barney managed to get up and run toward the school. "Baby Bop! P.J.! Help me! Something's wrong with the kids!" he yelled.

"We're not kids!" the teens shouted.

Baby Bop and P.J. came out, also looking gay and retarded. "Settle down, everyone," Baby Bop said.

Just then, one of the kids pulled out a gun. "I've got a gun!" he shouted. "And all three of you gay dinos had better get your fat asses on the ground or I'll shoot!"

"Jimmy," started Barney, "violence is not the answer to our problems. I will teach it to you… in song," he began. However, Jimmy pulled the trigger and blasted Barney in the leg. "OW!" shouted Barney.

"Didn't think I was serious, did you?" Jimmy said.

Then, the rest of the teens grabbed knives and razor blades they had in their pockets the whole time. They sliced up Barney, Baby Bop, and P.J. Then, they ran from the school and were never seen again.


End file.
